A Brief History Of The Penis In Aussie Politics
When people say politics is full of dicks, they don’t usually mean it literally. But if you look closely, it seems that p33n is all around.
The pen-15 club is definitely bigger in US politics. Australia hasn’t yet seen a scandal to rival Anthony Weiner - the American politician caught tweeting out pictures of his own weiner...twice. And back in March Donald Trump kind of made us vomit when he defended his own manhood, after his rival Marco Rubio suggested his small hands meant...oh dear god, please don’t make me type the words.
But our research suggests that when it comes to dicking about Australia can hold its own. So, here are the best moments in Australian political history involving...the PENIS:
The time a Queensland MP was caught with his dick out...and in a wine glass.
Back in 2013, it was discovered that ‘Plonker’ Peter Dowling had sent a woman a photo of his penis dipped in a nice glass of red, and then another of him sporting a cheeky grin, apparently about to drink the wine. Gross.
The time our Prime Minister got about in tight speedos all the time.
You remember the budgie smugglers. Try as you might, you will never forget the budgie smugglers. You probably still have nightmares about the budgie smugglers.
They spawned this highly disturbing ad from the unions:
The reason the budgie smugglers were so traumatising? Simple. No one needs to see the outline of their leader’s junk. Cannot unsee.
The time (two weeks ago) when a Northern Territory Minister was shafted after sending videos of himself masturbating to a woman.
It seems they never learn. Nathan Barrett, a married father of three, was the Sports Minister in the Northern Territory...until he (allegedly) used Facebook to send a woman two “sexually explicit” videos of himself. That’s code for vids of him masturbating. It’s believed the wanking in question took place in the parliamentary bathroom. Nice.
Someone needs to tell the nation’s politicians that Snapchat exists.
The time a Tasmanian senator said she would be thirsty for a ‘well hung’ man.
It turns that out for politicians, size does matter - and we’re not talking about the size of their majority in Parliament.
For Tassie Senator Jacqui Lambie, it turns out a big pecker is first in the penis pecking order.
Jacqui caused a stir when she described her perfect man on the radio in 2014. “They must have heaps of cash and they’ve got to have a package between their legs, let’s be honest” she told Heart FM. And she wasn’t talking about getting an oversized birthday present
When it comes to the politics of the penis, this is probably only the tip of the iceberg. Can you guys think of any more examples?
- Hannah Ryan