Ex on the Beach episode 7 recap
There are many pivotal moments in your life when it comes to matters of the heart; your first schoolyard crush, your first kiss, your first love, your first heartbreak and then there’s the first time you go ape-shit crazy when you see your ex for the first time. We’ve been teased for weeks and now the time is upon us: the VICKY/RICCI SHOWDOWN.
We pick up where we left off last week with Ash threatening to “take Joss’s chin off”. A brilliant turn of phrase that could only come from the vocab of a Northerner. Dan’s loving the fistcuffs and is getting quite a kick out of it – who said we had an aggressive fighting culture in Australia? Well needless to say things with Ash and Talitha are well and truly over with the pair having a heated conversation yet again.
Post bust up Ash and Marco go for a lovely gentle stroll to debrief the recent events that have taken place in the house. Ash is clearly annoyed at the news Talitha hid the Joss kiss from him but then he goes off on a weird tangent about his Nan and how much he loves his Nan and that he wishes he could find a girl just like her. We’re very uncomfortable with the way this conversation has gone. Following those oedipal confessions Ash then declares that he’s single. “I need some fresh pussy on my dick”. A jarring statement that comes way too close to the chat about his grandmother*shudder*.
Tablet of Terror dings; Ross and Shelby are off on a date, which doesn’t sit well with Chloe as she admits she has feelings for Ross. Off on their date and they’ve gone to spend a romantic evening in a…. cemetary? Well there’s certainly one bone there that Shelby’s interested in digging up and she makes no secret of it. Cut to the pair ferociously making out. On a grave. Wow the class is at an all-time high here folks.
Back at the villa and its GiRlS nIgHt! The gals have a few chardys under their belt and Vicky’s doling out the insults in a way that only she can. Voices some concerns regarding Dan’s size, “it’d be like having sex with a minivan!” Oh and then Talitha casually drops in that she partakes in some backdoor action in the bedroom. Well that escalated – any more cheese and biccies gals?
The next day the Tablet of Terror commands freshly broken couple, Ash and Talitha off on a date, to relationship therapy no less. Talitha sobs as she reveals how controlling her former lover was. The therapist urges that they must have complete trust if they’re to move forward. Ahh does that mean Ash has to spill the beans on hooking up with Chloe the night before? Not just yet? No ok we’ll just wait then (also is it just us or is the voiceover man sounding more and more like the poor man’s version of Lord Voldemort?).
Back at the villa and Liam is adding fuel to the fire regarding the rumours of Chloe and Ash spending the night together. Then Jack delivers the line of the season; “I just wanted to get a kip and knock a wank out,” and just when we thought we couldn’t love him anymore the beautiful simple, special boy.
Tablet of Terror: Vicky, Emily and Chloe must head to the beach to welcome a new ex. Speculations are running rampant but we all know who it is and we cannot wait. With nerves a plenty the girls do shots down at the beach, perhaps not the best idea. Then in a moment of slow motion dark clouds creep across the sky and time stands still as out from the depths of the ocean pops abtastic, rodent-man Ricci. Vicky loses her shit. Like it’s lost and we’re not sure she’ll ever find it. She’s firing on all cylinders dropping F-bombs like they’re going out of fashion as she splashes her drink all over her former fiancé. The girl is spitting pure vitriol and the poor mug just has to stand there and take it.
Before long a date is announced and Chloe is off to the theme park with the ex- Mr Vicky. Chloe begins the date by continuing the hate-fest and gets stuck into Ricci on behalf of Vicky. But before too long the man-eater is back to her flirty ways. Dodgem cars always have an innate ability to get these young girls all hot under the collar.
Back at the house and the drama is about to hit an all-time high. Liam and his shadow, Jack, spill the beans to Talitha about Chloe and Ash hooking up the night before. Talitha is fuming and Liam’s work here is done. Elsewhere Vicky runs into the huge massive bulky arms of Dan for comfort. He admits he hates seeing girls upset – MARRY ME?
So Ricci meets the island family and of course Liam is none too impressed and will no doubt get caught in his crosshairs soon enough. Talitha confronts Ash and Chloe for the previous evening’s transgressions. Chloe plays dumb “nothing happened” ummm you do realise this is a television show? Where they film with cameras etc? So definitely have recorded you two on camera macking? This girls is almost TOO smart
Joss now learns that Talitha cheated on him when they were together. So things are going reeeaaaallllyyy well for this girl. That’s all for this week folks – join us next Wednesday to see Vicky attempt murder in day light.