Ex On The Beach episode three recap
If this dreary winter weather is getting you down then you’ve come to the right place, as episode three of MTV’s Ex On The Beach is getting crazy hot (emphasis on the crazy). We pick up this week after Frankie announced war on the rest of the house members, namely arch nemesis in all things blonde and ditzy, Emily. We’re still a bit confused as to why she hates Emily so much as she hasn’t as much as blown a fart in the direction of her ex Marco let alone flirt with him. If the only point of contention is the fact that Emily also has blonde hair and speaks the Queen’s English, then we really must imagine that back when they were dating she kept Marco chained in a dungeon, to fend off all those fair-haired heathens that roam the earth.
Last week Ashley’s ex Talitha, the Persian wood elf, arrived and they’ve wasted no time getting reacquainted in the biblical sense. Ashley: “I’ve emptied my load and now my balls aren’t dragging across the floor anymore,” ah it’s been a while then mate? Despite the rekindled romance between the exes, Ash still continues his “flanter” (flirty banter) with lingerie model Chloe, by throwing her fully clothed in the pool, much to the chagrin of Talitha. Whoever said wet t-shirt competitions were a thing of the past clearly hasn’t been engaging in enough poolside flanter.
Next up, the Tablet of Terror summons Emily, Ross and Liam to the beach; the news is met with stony faces. By now this group of Mensa wannabes have pieced together that a trip to the beach can only mean one thing; the arrival of a new ex. Shoreside, the trio wait anxiously as out pops the next ex, Ross’s former flame Emma Jane, decked out in a white string bikini (brave girl). A lukewarm embrace between the two on the beach doesn’t reek of ill feelings but has us thinking that she was a mere notch on Ross’s mammoth bed post. Emma Jane is a 23-year-old fashion graduate who looks to have majored in basic bitch, but seems harmless enough. Back on the beach Liam seems fairly miffed that Ross now has three love interests on the island and the closest he’s gotten to some action is a good old couch spew on night one.
Ross brings Plain Emma Jane back to the house and releases her to the hounds. The gals have a nice little chat to size her up as she insists that her and Ross are the bestest of friends. Vicky doesn’t buy the spiel and the penny drops, “I’m starting to think he’s a bit of a tosser.” We’re sure he’s a standout guy that wants to worship and marry you, come on Vic catch up! Elsewhere Chloe confronts Ross about his bragging about their coital intimacy (pre-show) despite them agreeing to keep it a secret. Babe, you really think a fella is going to bed a lingerie model and not spray paint it on the walls after? Dreamers.
Tablet of Terror announces date night between Chloe and Ash, this should be interesting. Ash dons his best shirt (sadly no mesh green singlet) and sports a wave hair style that would rival the mum in Home Alone. Out on the date Chloe lays out her cards and confesses to being “mentally stimulated” by Ash; yep that’s definitely what was being stimulated when he was massaging her on the beach last week. They end the date with some very handsy caressing which does not sit well with Talitha upon his return to the house.
Vicky confronts Ross about his bevy of exes that keep showing up, she informs him that they will not be speaking anymore. Cut to night vision and she’s straddling him. Well that little chat went well. Next morning and the “vagina weasel” Ross seems to have a very short memory as he’s caught bragging to the boys at breakfast about bedding Vicky. Jack makes his triumphant return to the show on a date with Talitha, we can only suspect they’ve had him holed away with some tutoring lessons on basic spoken English.
Tablet of Terror dings and delivers us the news that Vicky and Ross are off on a date but she informs us that she’d rather go have a smear. Delightful. Also coupled up for the evening are Marco and Emily. Fantastic this is going to sit so well with future Betty Ford Clinic in-patient, Frankie. Along the esplanade we find Ross and Vicky in a horse-drawn carriage sipping champagne and it’s awkward as all get out. She gives him a dressing down about his ‘shag and shout’ performance earlier and leaves him all alone by the seaside with the ponies. Maybe they’ll understand him.
Surely Emily has a death wish as she sets out to hook up with Marco just to wind Frankie up. They have a pleasant time on their date, sparks certainly fly, but no kissing. Back at the villa Liam has a maniacal glint in his eye as he sees ‘shit-stiring’ potential in Emily, perhaps they will find love on that common ground. Emily has a gutful of sangria courage as she revs up to go head to head with crazy-eyed field mouse Frankie. And that’s it for this week folks....stay tuned next week to see if Emily keeps all her limbs intact post Frankie showdown.
Catch Ex On The Beach Wednesdays at 8.30pm only on MTV!