Ex On The Beach episode two recap
After last week’s inaugural episode of MTV’s brand new reality show Ex On The Beach, we were introduced to our main cast and the first ex arrived. We keep getting teased with flashes of exes sauntering in from the shores and it has become abundantly clear that exes without abs need not apply. Let’s take a look back at our cast members so far...
Marco: First cab off the rank is the Greek pocket rocket, who is sporting a ridiculously tall fringe, perhaps he’s trying to nab a few inches there while he’s lacking some in other departments? He’s made it pretty clear that only blondes are on his radar.
Emily: Enter blonde girl Emily. She buddied up with Vicky early on (who said blondes weren’t smart?) but none of the fellas seem to have raised her thermometer. Could have something to do with the fact her celebrity crush is Elvis Presley....weird.
Chloe: Ex-glamour model and she’s only 20-years-old. Times must be tough because she’s now slumming it as a lingerie model. Bang on brief for that line of work; she’s busty and bitchy.
Ashley: If first impressions were everything I’d guess Ashley was an....Oscar statue? Decked in head to toe shimmering gold the young footballer swans in like he’s Ronaldo. Looks like he rates himself, but then again it would be weird if you went on this show and didn’t think you were a 10.
Vicky: Yay good ol’ Vick is back and the bod is looking banging. She arrives with oodles of confidence and ready to tash on. She can smell the fear of the other girls a mile away. Fantastic.
Jack: Oh dear, sweet, Jack. Look he’s certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed but boy is he a tall glass of water.
Liam: Hot, dark-hair, cheeky smile, ripped abs, firefighter. Ladies, I’ll give you a moment.
Farah: Spicy Playboy bunny from London. She’s the textbook hot chick who never had to develop a personality....oh cruel world you did her a disservice by laughing at her unfunny jokes. She’s dull but has a healthy pair of assets so she’ll do well in this competition no doubt.
Frankie: The first ex to arrive and the former betrothed of Marco. She’s 18 (hello, Courtney Stodden is that you?) and a self-proclaimed social butterfly. Straight off the bat we’re diagnosing her with a severe case of the crazies...
Last week two cast members projectile vomited, there was one hook-up, plenty of flirting, a crazy ex arrived and absolutely zero clothing was worn aside from swimwear. All in all it was a pretty healthy start to the series.
We join the exes this week right where we left them with the arrival of delicate flower (read: clinically insane) Frankie, being summoned on a date with hunky fire-fighter Liam. As the pair walk off into the sunset, the tattoos on Marco’s chest tense up, Liam says it’s game on and Frankie’s the prize.
We’re at Liam and Frankie’s date, they’re off to learn salsa dancing. The salsa is usually a steamy affair but these two are getting us about as hot as a jar of mild Old El Paso. As they clamber away, Liam cops a feel but it’s coming across creepy uncle more than anything. Her heart’s not in it either, behind the glassed-over-eyes you know she’s stitching little Marco voodoo dolls. Chatting afterwards, Liam is stirring the pot with Frankie, batting his eyelids as he explains Marco’s been on a date with her doppelganger. Rage in Frankie’s eyes, a thousand pins stab into the Marco doll.
Frankie and Liam return to the villa to interrupt family dinner. LOL at Vicky’s nine-inch heels on their beach vacay. Frankie takes one look at Emily. “She ain’t pretty enough to be Marco’s type.” Ouch, simmer down, butter face! As per, Vicky sums up Frankie nicely: “She seems like a jealous phsychopath.” Such a wise Buddha, our Vic. Marco gets dragged by the ears by Frankie for a private dressing down. He’s been told to steer clear of Emily or any other girl for that matter. We can definitely see who wore the pants in that relationship.
At the minute there has been more arguing than boning. However, fear not, its date night with the Tablet of Terror delivering them the news (read so very slowly by Jack...are we sure he finished primary school?) that Vicky and Ross, Farah and Ashley and Chloe and Jack are off for a night on the town. There’s a bit of side-boob from Farah in the clubs but Ashley only has eyes for Chloe. Some interesting shapes come from the ladies, are they getting paid?
The next morning and the gang are heading off on an adventure, canyoning. Liam pulls Frankie aside to stir the pot yet again – this guy needs a spot on the ‘Melrose Place’ reunion show. This obviously doesn’t bode well with Frankie as it soon becomes evident that they forgot to ground up her Prozac in this morning’s breakfast smoothie.
Ex number three arrives not a minute too soon. Talitha a.k.a prepubescent Kim Kardashian emerges from the ocean to find her former lover Ashley with his hands all over buxom babe Chloe. It’s time for a new round of dates with Talitha off with Marco and Ross picking Vicky for a third date. Ashley doesn’t seem too fussed and we love his green mesh singlet ala Lena Dunham in ‘Girls,’ – hellloooo nip slip. Marco and Talitha head off on a life-drawing class with Marco quick to whip out his manhood. He’s a brave man with his psychotic ex sitting at home ready to rip him apart. Vicky and Ross are making a habit of their love in with another romantic dinner.
Later on back at the villa the broth has been boiling all day and the “drama chef” Liam is about to get an earful from Frankie giving her a bum steer on the nugget he dropped earlier about Marco supposedly liking Emily (he doesn’t.....oh will anyone fulfil her Blue Suede Shoes fantasy?!) No one is safe when there is glassware and Frankie around as she aims the cocktail jug, NOOO think of the Pina Coladas!
Well it’s all kicking off now and it’s very clearly the world against Frankie. She’s threatening to leave but we really hope she doesn’t, we couldn’t possibly survive another episode without one of her mental outbursts. She’s behind me isn’t she?
Catch Ex On The Beach Wednesdays at 8.30pm only on MTV!