5 Ways To Avoid Being A Total F*ckboy
How is it that sexting and swiping replaced romance? Why do so many girls complain about the ‘date from hell’? Why do guys think girls are unapproachable?
Dating has always been hard but these days the disruptions of social media, dating apps and evolving gender roles has added another layer of complexity.
I wrote A Young Man’s Guide to Getting Some because I wanted to help make the world a nicer place. To help people get together. To remind young men that being honourable is still a thing. To reintroduce romance to a cynical generation. Laughing together and finding love is what it’s all about and the ‘Guide’ is a humorous take on today’s fraught romantic landscape.
Here are 5 helpful tips:
How to initiate contact
You have to be prepared to have a go. Faint heart never won fair maiden. But forget the sleazy pick-up lines – she’s probably heard them before. She wants to meet a genuine person who is interested in her, not just her goodies. Don’t ‘like’ or ‘poke’ or ‘friend’ or text something lewd or vague. Call her and ask her out. Have the guts to approach the ‘herd’.
Escaping the Friend Zone
Friends with Benefits is a movie, not a documentary. And you are not Justin Timberlake. If you approach a girl, she probably knows you’re not doing it just to be friends. Man up and ask her on a DATE, not a “maybe I’ll see you there” casual arrangement. If, after a genuine attempt at romance, she says she just wants to be friends, then so be it. Stay classy. If she likes you as a friend she may introduce you to one of her friends. This will not happen if you are a dick about it.
Respect the Effort She Makes to Look Good
Do you have any idea what girls do get ready to go out? A typical routine may involve shaving, plucking, waxing, nails, blow dry, perfume, make-up, outfit, shoes. Inspect entire effect. Repeat. She has probably taken as much time to get ready as the date will last. Maybe you found matching socks and clean undies, if she’s special. This imbalance can be partially rectified by you raving about how she looks. Set forth on a detailed evaluation of each of the component parts and an acclamation of the total ensemble. Yes, really. Say “Wow” a lot. And make an effort yourself to look good for her. At least iron your bloody shirt.
Chivalry is NOT Dead
Obviously this sort of thing is more loaded these days but you can still behave honourably. You do NOT do this because girls are the weaker sex or need your help. You do it because you are a gentleman and you put her first. Chivalry or courtesy or honour or simple good manners will get you a long way with most girls. Open the door for her. Let her proceed ahead of you. Take her jacket. Walk on road side of the footpath. Hold the umbrella over her. Some girls may be offended and if this happens apologise for the unintended offense and move on. Being a gentleman is rarely a deal-breaker and will usually advance your cause.
Swiping, Sexting and Nudes
It may come as a shock to millennials but somehow romance blossomed before we had these things. So how should we use them? The answers are, respectively, to meet someone in real life; only when it’s mutual; and never ever. Swiping on Tinder is fine but it is not a de facto GF. Sexting is not flirting unless you are both doing it and adding a smiley face emoji doesn’t make you any less a creep. Don’t text anything you wouldn’t say to her face. And never ask for nudes. Certainly never send one. You don’t show you are a man by proving you have a penis. She probably already knows this. You show you are a man by calling her and taking her out.
- Malcolm Chenu
A Young Man’s Guide to Getting Some by Malcolm Chenu is available from all good book stores and at newhollandpublishing.com