The MTV EMAs Best and Worst Dressed
Rock star fashion is always bound to be a bit touch-and-go. After all, you would expect them to have a little devil-may-care in the way they slap their threads together. But this was the MTV European Music Awards, Christ almighty! You'd think they'd have stylists and stuff.
But alas, perhaps encouraged by the location (Germans are notorious for their fashion experimentation), the well dressed in Munich last Friday were few and far between. Overall, the best dressed awards for the evening overwhelmingly go to the menfolk, who implicitly understood the importance of fine tailoring and/or rock funk, and pulled it off like a dream.
First prize goes to Michael Stipe, that old REM rocker, who may not have had a hit in years, but showed himself to always be classic, with his all-black pinstripe suit ensemble, understatedly teamed with sharp shooting silver shoes. Jared Leto also went for this approach, except substituted rainbow sneakers with Stipe's platinium version, and got away with it just as well.
Sourced by a different inspiration, but managing style just as seamlessly, was Tokio Hotel singer Bill Kaultiz, whose mega-hair, bold eye-makeup and rock-chic jeans were not only hot on the red carpet, but wearable... they looked even better when Kaulitz was subsequently drenched by water during his powerful on-stage performance.
On the opposite side of the style spectrum, the dodgy boys, for whom dishonorable fashion mentions must be made, were those who attempted what the style mongers did, but just somehow fell face first.
German singer Jan Delay was the grand winner for the worst-dressed male, sporting a brown tweed ensemble that reminded us of those Scotty dogs and made us need to take a shit simultaneously. Brothers Jimmy Blue and Wilson Gonzalez Ochsenknecht, also German, adopted hot pink and red satin to shocking effect: Jimmy Blue teamed his fuscia number with shiny red sneakers, while Wilson Gonzalez delved into the hereforeto unexplored fashion zone of red satin skinny jeans. So bad as to almost be good. But only almost.
But even those who don't experiment can fall foul of just being plain boring. John Heder looked like he'd just woken up and thrown on his 3 day old uni clothes, while the boys from Good Charlotte could have worn anything and did. Those tattoos take so much attention on their own, that they'll always look about as stylish as your scrawny neighbour who masturbates about owning a Harley Davidson.
For the girls, the worst offender is predictably always the one that would consider the release of an unauthorized sex tape to be the pinnacle of their career. Polish singer Dorota Rabczewska obliged the ceremony in this fashion. Clad lightly in leather, chains and very short shorts, Dorota delighted in mouth-ajar sultry poses that made you feel that she must be very pleased to be out of her native Poland, where wearing an outfit like that would have likely resulted in her nipples dropping off from the cold.
Equally deplorable for the girls, was an unseemly obsession with either excessive colour, or a sad resignation to sack-brown. Actress Franka Potente, German TV host Fiona Erdmann and ex-Destiny's Child Kelly Rowland fell into the former category; Potente through deciding to team a little black dress with Froggy green tights; Erdmann through wearing a dress that looked like Alex Kid in Miracle World spewed all over it; and Rowland through deciding that a pink velvet suit would not only keep her warm but would spice up the night due to it's generous curve-clinging...much to the distaste of everyone else with eyes.
Nelly Furtado and Nicole Scherzinger were good examples of the latter, appearing to gain fashion inspiration through those Womans Day recipe cards from the 70s, or a Brady Bunch stool. Brown flowing nylon was the order of the day, except when Nicole took to the stage in a hot pink dress (see former category of fashion mishap), and spent the rest of the time gripping her breast, for fear that it would tumble right out.
Joss Stone already achieved a dishonourable mention for her confused African hair, that she must have given up on half way through (her arm was hurting, okay?!) and Amy Winehouse's blue denim number was not the most exciting thing to be wearing to MTV's annual EMAs although it was, at least, slightly more together than her rendition of "Back to Black".
The only well-dressed girl we could find? Rihanna, at the backstage party in the Netherlands. And Eva Padberg's feathery dress was kind of cute too. But if European style is the one we should all be watching, perhaps we'd rather just close our eyes