KUWTK: 5 Important Things We Need To See Addressed In the New Season
The new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians is three episodes deep, and we while it's been very entertaining and action packed so far, we haven't seen any of the major issues that have plagued the family of late dealt with at all. So far they have eaten candy in New York, and dug for gold coins in Bali, which has been pretty great viewing, but it feels like there are several elephants in the room at the moment, just waiting to stampede. Such as...
Where Is Kanye's New Album?
The second episode of the new KUWTK season saw Kanye in a studio in Chicago, working on his new album tentatively titled Yandhi, because modesty is overrated. It also revealed a collabaration between Nicki Minaj and Kanye called 'New Body' - which was the first anyone had heard of this particular track.
The same episode found Kanye in New York to host SNL, where he infamously wore the MAGA hat and unleashed an impromptu rant that was cut from the broadcast. It was also the day when Kanye was slated to release Yandhi, which never materialised - yet nobody says a damn thing about this on camera. In episode three, Kanye couldn't come on the family's Bali trip because he was still working on said album. Now, the SNL appearance was September 29, over half a year ago. Yandhi is yet to appear. Considering most of what Kanye says on Twitter cannot be trusted as verifiable fact (aside him having dragon energy, of course) little KUWTK tidbits are actually the best and most reliable way to find out about the album's status. Hopefully, more information will be casually dropped during this season.
It felt so good being on the stage last night with my brother Cudi. After performing again, I realize the new album I’ve been working on isn’t ready yet. I’ll announce the release date once it’s done. Thank you for understanding.
— ye (@kanyewest) November 13, 2018
Where Is Ben Simmons?
Ben Simmons is the current Rookie Of The Year in the NBA, who will undobutedly go down as the most successful Australian basketball player of all time. More importantly, he is also the on-again, off-again boyfriend of Kendall Jenner, with rumours of their relationship status bubbling for close to a year. The pair have been photographed together, confirmed and denied their relationship, and basically continued the trend of Kardashins/Jenners dating NBA players, and vice versa. Yet, Simmons is yet to appear on the show.
Considering he is an up-and-coming NBA player with a contract to renew in a few years, and countless sponsorship opportunities at his disposal, it seems like appearing on one of the most popular shows in the world would be a good move for young Ben. Hopefully, he will pop up this season. He can sub in for Tristan. And speaking of...
Were Khloe and Tristan Even Together When #JordynGate Went Down?
Okay, here's a conspiracy theory based on absolutely nothing. As last season showed, Khloe was isolated in Cleveland while heavily pregnant with True, to the point where Kim missed the birth due to delayed flights and all that jazz. It seems odd that she would be stuck in Cleveland, alone, while Tristan was out balling (in more ways than one) and her entire close-knit family was on the opposite coast. Considering Tristan's NBA scheulde means he is permanently on the road, and the family has untold wealth, AND she was shooting the show at the time, it made no sense (other than for manufactured drama) for her to be so dangerously isolated. BUT, what if Khloe and Tristan had already split, and the pair were simply saving face? What if she never even told the show's producers or her family they had decided to split? What if Tristan played along with the whole plan, with the understanding they were actually broken up and he could do as he pleased? And what if Jordyn was a convenient excuse, someone to throw under the bus, after Tristan's 'cheating' during her labour was revealed in the last season and ruined their tidy narrative? It's farfetched, but so is the idea of Kris Jenner leaking her daughter's sex tape to launch this entire enterprise.
Why do They Keep Going On About Their 23andMe Tests?
Rumours have flown around for years that Khloe isn't actually Robert Kardashian's biological daughter, to the extent that they aired a paternity test in 2009 to prove otherwise, and did so again last year after OJ Simpson was touted as her actual dad. Keeping in the spirit of things, they all got 23andMe tests, in which Khloe reveals she was "41.5 percent Middle Eastern", and part Native American. Then in episode three of this season, MJ (Kris's mum, Scott's actual best friend) suddenly brought up how she found out she had a half-sister through an ancestry test, to which Kylie says she's actually found a cousin herself through these test. Surely this little tidbit wouldn't be included in the show without the cousin being revealed in a later episode. Considering the show's insistence on introducing forgettable characters and trying to stitch them into the fabric of the show, bringing in a secret cousin in to stir things up would be a masterstroke.
Why Doesn't Scott Disick Have A Wikipedia Page?
This is the most important thing we need cleared up. Given that Lord Disick has squired three children in the most famous family in the world, and has 21.4 million Instagram followers, it seems odd that he doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. You know who has Wikipedia pages? Everyone and everything. Home Alone 4 has a Wiki page. Big Brother Season 11 (Australian version) has a Wiki page. The Space Jam Playstation game has a Wiki page! Something sinister is going down here. #FreeLordDisick
Scott Disick in @UsWeekly: "I don't use coasters for drinks because I don't respect surfaces."
— Doree Shafrir (@doree) August 3, 2011