I Almost Made It Through 2019 Without Seeing Pete Davidson's 'Ken Doll' Penis
I was this close. I was thiiiiiiiiiiis close to seeing out the year without being confronted with a FAKE load of Pete Davidson's BDE. I was always curious about what was happening in the nether regions....but it didn't want it to happen this way.
If you have been anywhere online today you would have noticed a jarring feature from those ~internet breakers~ Paper Magazine, who took it upon themselves to deliver us Pete in a way that literally nobody asked for.
Here is the 26-year-old comedian, resplendent in Versace up top and a Ken Doll crouch down below.
Considering the Staten Island-native sparked the world wide 'Big Dick Energy' movement last year, it makes total sense that Paper have gone ahead with this creative, poking fun at the whole concept. But still, I just, I just wasn't prepared for it.
Having said that Paper mag have never done things by halves - they always push boundaries and take their creative to the next level. Uhhhmmm hello Kimmy K:
It might be uncomfortable viewing sometimes (see: Pete's Ken-dick) but I guess that's why it's a bit of fun. I'm not admitting I like the Ken-dick, I just like how much I don't like it.
And look it's not even the Ken Doll-dick (I'm just writing it as many times as I can get away with) that I take umbrage with. It's the fact that Pete, who has been quite vocal about his disdain for the internet, has now featured in magazine series named 'break the internet'. The fact is, he knew this shoot was going to make waves online, he knew it. Nobody agrees to being photographed with a Ken Doll-dick without being fully aware that it will be plastered everywhere. He even mentions in the interview that he believes the internet has creatively stunted him: "It's the worst! It's why I got rid of the Internet."
So it begs the question - why not just let the creative work speak for itself? Pete, you're talented! You don't need a Ken Doll-dick!
Despite the contradictions it's clear that after his high profile relationship, and subsequent breakdown of said relationship, with Ariana Grande last year, it's clear Pete has some things to say about fame and all it's trappings.
"So now I'm just as private as possible. I'm as discrete as can be. I know now not to do PDA. I'm a very PDA [person], though. I'm a lovey person. I love licking faces," he said.
And on the Ariana-sized elephant in the room he made a very brief, very diplomatic comment, finally closing the door on that chapter.
"I don't ever make public statements about relationships 'cause I just don't think it's right, you know? I usually express how I feel about anything through work. So, I hope she's well. I hope she's very happy. And that's pretty much it. And print doesn't usually age well."
If there is anything good to come out of this feature it's the civil public end to the Ariana era.
And it must be said again, the worst thing to come out of this spread, is the image of his Ken-dick burnt into my brain at least for the next few months. This is the price we must pay for wheelin' and dealin' on the internet. Sometimes it breaks along with your brain.
Main Image Credit: Paper Magazine
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