How To Make Long Distance Work According To People Who've Very Much Been There
When this cruel world throws you and your SO miles and miles away, with no chance of actually seeing eachother if you're in different states or countries, everyone and their mate seems to be full of 'helpful' tips about how to make things work. Mainly "forget about them and f*ck someone else!" ... cheers guys.
But fear not, below are some real-life golden nuggets of wisdom around making long-distance work.
be honest about what is about to happen to you
If this isn't a forced long-distance thing, and you’re knowingly about to spend a lot of time apart, have an open and honest conversation with your partner beforehand about the potential outcome of this.
If you face up to the fact that it’s going to be really difficult, that you’re going to both have to put effort into this and hey, it might not actually work out, some of the pressure’s taken off you. Make sure you’re both aware that you’re sharing the responsibility to participate in this. Takes two to tango and all that.
not constant, but very, very frequent communication is key
We are truly blessed with publicly accessible Wi-Fi and a buffet of communication options at our fingertips. Being at the forefront of each other's mind is important; you don’t have to write essays to each other all day, but forwarding a picture of something that made you laugh/a dumb thing someone just said/a random thought really does make all the difference.
Tagging your SO in memes, sending links to videos of puppies and so on shows that you’re thinking about them.
harness snapchat and become a selfie queen
Remind them of what they’re missing – even if you do have eyes three times their normal size and are spewing rainbow vomit.
make time for proper chats
Schedule in some actual time to have proper talks with each other so you can verbally download each other’s lives. Even if you have FaceTime on and your phone propped up while you’re wandering around your room and getting snacks or whatever, that actually helps as it’s as close to hanging out IRL as you can make it.
If you schedule a time, stick to it. Don’t cancel on each other when plans get in the way and end up not speaking to each other for ages because you can’t find the time.
ensure you include dirty talk
This is critical.
be honest about how you’re feeling
Lack of proper face time can make emotions run higher, and when the only person you want to be with is so far away it gets even worse. Tell them. They’ll appreciate that they mean so much to you and be able to help you (or at least try some soothing words from a distance).
If they called on you because you were the only person who could make them feel better, you’d appreciate the love too, right?
book trips to see each other in advance
(Again: if our current pandemic allows it). Booking in advance is great not just cause it’s cheaper, but also it means you both have something to look forward to – even if it’s really far in the distant future. When you’re together, ensure you have some downtime booked in – if you knacker yourselves out doing things the whole time it might start to seem like a burden.
Netflix Party all the way
There are apps that let you watch TV shows at the same time now. We love it cause you can message or leave your phones on speaker and slag off the characters together. Fun!
meet their friends
This is actually an important way to not become a crazy jealous person. If you see people from photos, it proves that you’re real to them and they’re real to you and that you’re not all imaginary internet people. This stops you getting jealous of their mates, and their mates will be more understanding about their commitments to you once it’s proven you actually exist. Do the same with your friends, obviously.
sounds a bit lame, but always saying goodnight and good morning is very much a decent thing to do
It’s just lovely.
This article originally appeared on MTV.co.uk. It's been edited for local eyes.
Main Image Credit: Dear John, Screen Gems; all gifs from GIPHY
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