Here's Your Foolproof Survival Guide To Splendour In The Grass 2017
Winter is certainly fkn here, folks. This means two things:
1) Expect to see some White Walkers roaming about your neighbourhood anytime soon.
2) Splendour In The Grass is right around the corner.
Yes, it won't be long until punters from all across the nation flock to the North Byron Parklands to catch acts like The XX, Queens of the Stone Age and LCD Soundsystem absolutely tear the place apart. It's no Coachella, but it sure as hell comes close.
That being said, if it's your first time in the grass this year then there are probably a lot of questions you're asking yourself. How late will you hang around in the Tipi Forest before you realise it's the next morning? If there's no service, how will you let everyone back at home know how much fun you're having and how much fun they're not having? Just exactly how creative with your excuses will you get when you have to call in ~sick~ to work the week after?
Fear no more, Splendour virigins, because MTV is here with five friendly tips to make sure you're fully prepped for one of the best weekends of your life.
1. Bring ya fkn gumboots, dummy
Despite Splendour's decade-long reputation of being an actual mudpit, you'd be amazed at how many fools you see trudging along the parklands with sludge up to their knees wondering 'how could this have happened?' We'll tell you how, fam. While the North Byron Parklands is a gorgeous natural wonder, it basically turns into your local pig pen with even the slightest bit of rain days before. Spoiler alert: it's forecasted to rain this Tuesday (July 18) which means you can prepare for some mud to muddle in your fun. Those fresh Vans you just bought might be red hot, but is the $119.95 you spent on them worth the 10 minutes you'll have to spend cleaning them up once you're back home? Absolutely f*cking not.
2. You'll sleep when you're dead
Sure there are benefits to getting a good night's rest. It's good for your weight, your mental health, your physical appearance, your concentration, your memory, your immune system and countless other things. But what outweighs all of that? Getting lit at the Smirnoff Bar after all the main stages have closed. Don't be a sook, go hard or go home.
3. Buy yourself a portable charger or never see your friends again, ever
This is by no means an exaggeration or hyperbole of any sort. If your phone dies, you might as well be dead too. If you're not keen on bringing yourself a portable charger for whatever reason, then back off the Snapchats, would ya? That phone battery needs to last you all day for three days. Besides, no matter how much you think people at home care about your boomerangs of you dancing, we can assure that it's not as much as you think.
4. For the love of God, get cash out beforehand
We could repeat this 100,000 times and people still won't get it. Don't be that person complaining about the ATM queue when you could've easily gotten your cash out at some point beforehand.
5. Don't be a d*ck. Plain and simple.
There's a really foul trend floating around lately of people acting like damn fools at Aussie festivals. And we don't mean damn fools like old mate a few years ago who was sliding down a muddy hill in nothing but a legionnaire's hat. We mean getting a little too rowdy, elbowing people in the face, maybe even throwing people across the mosh pit (we've seen it before). The point is everyone's here to have a good time and most likely not remember any of it the next morning. Don't take away from that by giving someone else a black eye because you couldn't control yourself in the Dune Rats' mosh.
- Jackson Langford