Bachelor Matt Agnew Has Chosen His Winner But Not Without Some Serious Sh*t Slinging In Africa

It was television’s night of nights last night and no, we’re not talking the Logies. ICYMI, it was The Bachelor finale, which means you can be assured a big load of sh*t hit the fan and splattered all over broken hearts. This time, on a cliff face in Africa.

Bachie Matt Agnew narrowed his pool of girls down to just Abbie and Chelsie, flying them all the way to Africa to deliver the verdict of his fiercely fancied heart. Now let’s quickly dart past the last steamy dates to get to the actual drama of public dumping on national television.

Quick recap: Matt also jetted his BFFs across the globe to help him with his final decision. His mate Kate full on attacked Abbie with some savagely blunt words to the point that Kate had to get up and leave, she disliked the contestant that much. TBH, the Internet loved it.

Chelsie, on the other hand, had a delightful time chatting to Jason... Not really worth mentioning, though she got hot and heavy in Matt’s hotel pool with a quick make out sesh and that’s about as spicy as her storyline got.

Okay, cute intermission, now back to tearing a heart out of a girl’s chest. Matthew Agnew stood nervously in his burgundy suit, waiting patiently for the unlucky bachelorette upon his Pride Rock. As fake cheetahs stared on and the dry savannah breeze brushed his Clark Kent locks, Matt was clearly nervous about trashing a girl who thinks she’s about to marry him. Fair enough.

She arrives, and it’s revealed to be Abbie *cue maniacal laugh as you just straight up know this isn’t going to be pretty*. Matt eloquently monologues his lack of love, saying his “heart is with someone else” and the show sharply turns into a Neighbours drama as Abbie pulls her hands away from his is disbelief.

“It’s heartbreaking. Completely heartbreaking,” she whispers after Matt failed to answer her Plz Explain questioning.

You can see it settle in Abbie’s mind that she’s just been dumped in front of possibly millions and look, she’s handled it pretty well thus far. After wishing for his happiness and a swift kiss on Matt’s cheek to depart, Abbie is off. But not before getting in one last breakdown while Matt rubs his supposedly teary eyes whilst gazing over his pride lands.

As Golden Hour settles over the vast plains, Chelsie McLeod strides on in as Matt voiceovers with his “out of this world” love. It’s über cute as Matt professes his apprehensions of having HIS heartbroken (ironic) and Chelsie is clearly confused. Then he outwardly says, “I love you” and Chels is far less confused. “WHAT! I thought you were dumping me,” she exclaims and bashful as ever glances away.

It turns out having things in common as well as physical attraction will land you a partner for life. Huh. Now Matt doesn’t get down on one knee, but he does give her a ring as a “memory for what we’ve shared” and that is possibly the most realistic thing about this whole episode.

Silhouetted pashing ensues and the whole of Australia (sans Abbie) aww as the credits roll. Check out reality TV’s hottest new couple in their first official portrait:

And there you have it, the chemistry of love all wrapped up neatly in this equation of Matt + Chelsie.

- Tait McGregor

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