33 Thoughts I Had Watching 'The Hills: New Beginnings' Episode 2
We're back for another episode of The Hills: New Beginnings and I had to be that person but HOLY SHIT I'M READY FOR A FIGHT.
During the premiere last week it was nice catching up with everyone again but god dammit if I don't see a drink being spilt on someone in ep two I want my money back.
A few thoughts I have before watching....will we ever get a Kardashian-Jenner kameo? Will there be a return of the Pam Anderson Pam-eo? Spare a thought for Jason Wahler...is he actually going to be in the show? How can I get a job as Gunner Pratt's assistant?
Alright, episode 2....here are my thoughts:
1. How many Ed Hardy trucker caps had to be resurrected then murdered again to create Justin Bobby's jacket?
2. OMG IT'S JASON!!! I REPEAT, WE HAVE A VISUAL ON JASON!!!! And Ashley (???)
3. Ok the big reunion between Steph and Speidi is upon us. Clearly there is a lot of built up tension but honestly one time when I was in Year 10 I borrowed my older sisters pink Supre dress without asking and she was so so so so so angry at me. But, at the end of the day she forgave me, mostly because my mum told her to, and I'd like to think it's a very similar situation between Spencer and Steph. If me and my sister can move on from the Supre incident then surely so can they.
4. I really don't want to turn these recaps into a gross objectification of men, however it would be remiss of me not to mention how turned on I am by seeing Brody bathing in a marble bath while playing fetch with his drooling Rottweilers. Very bougie and I'm into it.
5. I've said it once (literally just one time last recap) and I'll say it again....me thinks Brody does nart want to be married to his wife Kaitlynn Jenner. I'm not at all writing that because I'm jealous.
6. We stan a Zaddy who's not afraid to dip into his inner Chakra.
7. Now is the time Justin Bobby reveals he was in fact Tom Hanks' body double in Castaway.
8. I can confirm I'd like to NEVER hear the phrase "the sands of Nicaragua" ever ever again.
10. Perez Hilton has entered the room. I...
11. 13-year-old me is positively SCREAMING right now. Perez vs Mischa. Let's go.
12. Ok Perez just went from 0 to 100 real quick. If I may for a moment make comment about the interesting sub-culture that was early 2000s gossip trolling - Perez was the master of it and made a lot of money from tearing celebs down. He should have his comeuppance and I see no better person to deliver that than Mischa. He should shush his mouth and apologise.
13. Damn why babies always gotta be stealing people's thunder? Very rude of Gunner to announce he was coming into this world ON STEPHANIE'S BIRTHDAY. Fuuuuuck.
14. I SEE YOU, PRODUCERS!!! You're planting a future relationship seed between Justin Bobby and Steph. I SEE YOU!!!!
15. I like to picture Spencer and his crystals throughout the day. Him bathing them, him feeding them, him putting them to bed each night. Very special.
16. What kind of psychopath drives with the hazard lights on?
17. Riddle me this - is Steph Pratt running a Prom dress supply company from her living room?
18. Fuuuuuck Justin Bobby is singing. Now this, THIS is television. Can I download the track? Is it on Spotify?
19. "Kaitlynn and I are a fun couple. We're not afraid to do fun things." It might just be my dirty mind but did Brody just admit that he and his wife are swingers?
20. Shaquille O'Neal's son has stepped into the chatroom. Random. But I'll allow it.
21. Brandon having a very mature conversation about becoming sober is making me love him even more.
22. "I'm Brandon Lee and I'm here to fuck shit up," aaaaaand I've lost my boner.
23. Brody admitting that once Caitlyn Jenner shacked up with the Kardashians, he never saw his father. TEA.
24. We don't really deserve Frankie.
25. Abby - Gunner's Assistant - is back. Pray for her. Abby, blink once if you need saving.
26. The perfect man doesn't exi-
"A businessman with an edge"
27. HE SPEAKS!!!! JASON SPEAKS!!!!! THEY'RE LETTING HIM SPEAK!!! WHY AM I CRYING?!!!!
28. Ok I understand this spon con might anger a few of you. But here's the thing, it costs a lot of money to make a TV show so let's just accept it and move on!!!!
29. A "Make Love Not Meth" t-shirt - where can I get this for my grandma?
30. No shade, but Audrina paid a stylist just to give her a black hat? That's it. That's the whole styling.
31. omg tha classic Prada bug shades.
32. How to get back at a guy when he gaslights you? Tell him you're going on a date with a "business man with an edge" that should do the trick!
33. This is the figure I see in the corner of my room at 3am.
Catch up on The Hills New Beginnings episode 2 below and tune in to watch Tuesdays at 2pm express from the US - only on MTV!
PICS: Check Out How The Hills' Justin Bobby Has Changed Over The Years...
PICS: Check Out How The Hills' Justin Bobby Has Changed Over The Years
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