Five lessons we’ve learnt from ‘Pimp My Ride’

We look back on some of Xzibit’s best teachings and share some valuable anecdotes from the road…

With six seasons of ‘Pimp My Ride’ under MTV’s belt, we feel pretty confident we’ve seen it all. Tattooed bumpers, rusty bonnets, cardboard windows, smoky exhausts and even animal claw-marked seats. In fact, the series has provided us with so many dos and don’ts when it comes to our beloved vehicles that we will be forever in rapper and host Xzibit’s debt. Or at least be more aware of which hip hop tracks we should blast from our subwoofers.

But whether you’re riding around town in a great big hunk ‘o junk or a 2013 BMW 3-series, there’s one thing that goes without saying – nothing is worth taking your hands off the wheel to pick up a phone call or check a text.

Check out the video below – part of Transport of NSW’s new ‘Get Your Hands Off It’ campaign promoting road safety across Australia – and read on to see more great lessons we’ve learnt from Xzibit and the team at West Coast Customs.

DON’T: Use your mobile phone when driving

DON’T: Use superglue if your windows leak

Matty Mustang is on his last legs, having survived in Mary’s family for 15 years. 15 years of haaaaard knocks. And while there are many, many things we can learn from the slow demise of such a classic car, supergluing your windows to prevent water leakage is not a trick we’ll be taking on board.

“If your windows leak, don’t use superglue – it doesn’t work!” Mary tells Xzibit. Ahh, ya think?! Come on Mary, haven’t you heard of the plastic bag trick?

DO: Get your brakes checked when they start screeching at you

An ’86 Chevy C-10 pickup truck may have been a beast of a car in its day, but we have to agree with X when he says: “The only thing tough about Heather’s C-10 is looking at it.” Hear, hear.

Not only has Heather’s rust bucket been the recipient of several home paint jobs, duct tape fix-ups and now has so much peeling paint that the “truck has dandruff,” there’s some serious concern when it comes to the state of her brakes.

“The brakes, when I’m driving in traffic, they scare the hell out of people,” the aspiring dolphin trainer explains.

What you say to that, X? “When the brakes make noise, they need to be changed!”

The only sound we want to be hearing coming from our car is the sweet sweet thumping of the bass in the boot. Right Xzibit?

DO: Use a magic marker to “tattoo” your car if you want staying power

Because Sarah is the only girl she knows who drives a Chevy truck, she’s pretty darn proud of her wheels despite that fact the whole thing is this close to coming apart at the seams.

“The rust, the dents, the writing – actually, the writing I kind of like,” explains the future pool hall owner.

“I’ve got tattoos all over my car. The ‘Beater,’ sparrows, pinstriping, stickers everywhere.”

Fancy getting some ink but would rather mark the body of your vehicle that your flesh? Why not follow Sarah’s lead and decorate your old dunga instead! Her professional advice? Use a black magic marker. “It’s the only thing that stays on my car – because obviously the paint doesn’t!”

Feel free to also adorn your ride with stickers at your leisure. Our personal favourite – the ‘Mullet Parking’ sticker (since you asked).

DON’T: Leave food in your car if you don’t want to attract wildlife

The back seat of Ellyn’s 1996 Ford Contour is bent, her upholstery is ripped, the door panel has been pulled off and “to this day it still smells if I leave it out in the sun too long.” Why, you may ask? Turns out the environmental science major once attracted a somewhat unwelcome visitor inside her car, who was obviously just in search of its next meal.

“I guess the bear probably broke into the car because I had a little bit of food lying around.” Ah, you think? While we may not be at risk of coming across a grizzly down in these parts of the world, there certainly are some very curious creatures out there in the wild. It may seem obvious to some (read: most) people that it’s never a good idea to leave your scroggin on the front seat while camping, we think the nightmares we’re going to get from Ellyn’s experience are lesson enough.

DON’T: Drive a hearse if you don’t want to smell dead people

Andrew drives a 1970 Cadillac Fleetwood Hearse, “22ft long with 22ft of rust,” but while he’s probably one of the only dudes in his town to get to basically cruise around in a stretch every day, he appears to be the only person to find it even slightly appealing.

His parents hate it, his neighbours hate it but he loves the attention, so naturally, the metal beast has become one of his most prized possessions. His friends often complain that the car smells of dead people, but Andrew insists his ride isn’t haunted.

Ok, so we’re just putting it out there, that it would probably be more pleasant to drive a haunted car that one that smelt like a morgue… But let’s try not to be judgey. All we know is that we will never, we repeat never, be buying a used funeral vehicle just because we’ll be able to transport our whole team to the game. *Shiver*.

— Lucy Slight

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