Fancy a rave but don't want to get coronavirus? Enter: the Micrashell rave suit.
Hey, remember raves? Of course you do. How could you forget the feeling of being cornered in a smoking area by a crypto bro on his third tab, his bad breath assaulting all your senses at once because he’s standing too close and you yourself are experiencing space and time converging into one singular, almost tangible point because the ketamine you scored off that fairy in the bathroom is fucking insane, and you were this close to picking up time and space as a concept – literally picking it up in the palm of your hand, but then this crypto bro came and took it all away from you, he snatched the very embodiment of all human knowledge from your palm ‘cos he was fanging for a dart and you know what now that he mentioned it you kind of want one too, so now you’re both just shooting the shit, sharing a dart, and the music is pretty grand actually. Yeah, you remember raves.
Sucks that we can’t rave now, doesn't it? It sucks that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic which has in itself been the catalyst for extreme social upheaval all across the planet and because of that bullshit we gotta be stuck at home, taking tabs with our cat who is so sick of acid. Oh my god your cat says to you as you spend yet another Saturday night alone, get over acid, what are you 19? But then, you’ve never even had a cat have you? You really need to get a grip bro.
Anyway, as far as silver linings go, this cool new COVID rave suit is pretty neat. Look how sick it looks.
It’s called the Micrashell, “A suit that allows you to safely socialize in the times of a pandemic,” according to Production Club, an LA based creative studio responsible for creating the 'high performance' suit. According to the Production Club website, the Micrashell is “specifically designed to satisfy the needs of nightlife, live events and entertainment industries, Micrashell is a virus-shielded, easy to control, fun to wear, disinfectable, fast to deploy personal protective equipment (PPE) that allows socializing without distancing.”
“The Micrashell was born from concern for our community, and concern about reckless social behaviour,” told Dezeen.
“After witnessing the events industry fall into an unprecedented recession, and seeing large groups of people ignore social distancing directives in order to go out and party, we felt obligated to address both issues and find a solution that benefited all.”
So, we’ve established that the suit looks fucking sick, but how does it actually work? Glad you asked partner. Eeeeesentially, the social distancing friendly suit is made up of an air-tight “top suit” and a hybrid soft and hard helmet (depending where you touch it) made of “tactical, high performance cut resistant fabric and developed for durability, endurance and easy disinfecting procedures.” Whatever that means.
The top suit is designed to have your bottom half free to pursue the kind of things people like to do at raves, allowing future ravers to “wear their normal clothes, use the toilet and engage in intercourse without being exposed to respiratory risks.” Lovely, that.
The resistant fabric suit also features an air filtration and breathing system, and “seamless” integration with your phone via an app, as well as a dedicated forearm pouch… thing for your phone, fully integrated into the suit. It even keeps your phone charged.
And if things get a bit too much, you can just lower the volume. Yes, the antiviral spacesuit features an "integrated, controllable internal speaker system" that allows you to not only stream music directly from the DJ or band, but also set who can communicate with you (amazing). How? Well apparently, the suit will be fitted with a "wireless voice communication system based on physical proximity and orientation," which will allow you to set your voice communication system settings to one of three modes:
– Everyone can speak to you.
– Only certain groups of people (i.e. people in your contact list).
– Specific people you select based on social proximity.
There will also be a camera function, which can take some cute POV snaps of you and your mates in your fun lil apocalypse suits dancing away while the world crumbles. Oh and, if you were into mood rings as a kid, you're gonna love this. The Micrashell suit will feature LED lights which you can alter according to your mood. "For example, a rainbow lighting chase effect across your suit can express joy," says the Production Club website. "While a static red light could express "busy" or a green slowly intermittent shimmering light could express "idle" or "resting" state."
Look all this is pretty cool, but can you drink beer while wearing the suit? Well hey I was wondering the same thing, and turns out – and don't ask me how – but you can, thanks to a "supply system based on partially disposable canisters" which will allow rave suit wearers to "vape and/or drink safely from your suit. Drink can be alcoholic, non-alcoholic or a liquid meal replacement." Very cool and not dystopian.
According to Production Club, the suit will be made up of "main materials based on UHMWPE fabrics and lightweight film composite, including sealed sewed patterns and ornaments as well as cordura inserts."
The funky COVID hazmat suit will be powered by two lithium-ion cell battery systems "for uninterrupted active operation and are easy charge and swap when discharged." That's 18650 type batteries for you nerds playing at home.
Unfortunately for literally everyone because who in their right mind wouldn't want one of these babies, the suit is still in the early days of production, and there's no set timeline of when we can come close to expecting one. Ah well, cool suits come to those who wait.
So here we are friends, the stage of the pandemic where COVID rave suits have become feasible. Sure, it's not going to satisfy your desperate need for human touch, but at least it has cool flashy lights.