I’M HERE! I’M HERE! NO ONE FREAK OUT.
I’m also late because I’ve only just now recovered from the glorious finale of Australian Survivor: Brains vs Brawn. It’s over. We did it.
It’s been a fucking OUTRAGEOUS season to say the very least, but we finally crossed the finish line – with three people fighting it out for the title. The ever-resilient Flick represented the last Brawn standing, while strategic juggernauts George and Hayley wore the Brains flag. While previous seasons have offered up clear outliers like Pia and David who were always going to take out the title, Australia Survivor: Brains vs. Brawn presented us with a wonderful predicament.
All three finalists had a decent claim to the title. Macedonian Jesus has smiled down upon us.
But, only one could wear the proverbial crown of ‘Sole Survivor’, and it's time that I give my last breakdown of the week that was in Australian Survivor: Brains vs Brawn.
I first wrote that Hayley was a winner in week 3, and then again in week 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. And would you believe it? Here she is holding the title of ole Survivor. I manifested this for her and I am still awaiting my personal thanks.
But, let’s really think about it – could Hayley be the best winner we’ve ever had on the show? Physically strong, winning four individual immunity challenges – more than anyone else this season. A strategic behemoth, managing to sever many alliances with her conviction. I will never forget her turning Brawn 2.0 on each other to their faces. Iconic.
And, she did it all without making people dislike her. David’s arrogance was endearing as a viewer because he backed it up with near-perfect gameplay, but it was still arrogance. Hayley was level-headed, rational and completely owned every move she made. She lied to almost every single person on the jury, and seven of them still voted for her. That’s power, baby.
LOSER: GEORGE FROM BANKSTOWN
George making it to the final two with Hayley made for what is, almost inarguably, the strongest final two Australian Survivor has ever seen. George met Hayley’s strategic genius point for point, and played an undeniably fearsome and reckless game from literally the very first episode.
George, to put it frankly, was not here to fuck spiders.
To his own detriment, he didn’t care who he pissed off – as long as he made it further. Emmett, salty on the jury, asked George if he could play the game again without pissing people off, would he? After some standard politician beating around the bush, George said no.
Why would he? His game was shameless, though flawed, and it has without a doubt made him a superstar in the Survivor lexicon. George had a target on his back from episode 2 onwards, and made it all the way to the final two. He wasn’t as likeable as Hayley – and his lack of care in challenges didn’t appeal to a Brawn-heavy jury – but he made it so much farther than anyone wanted him to, and that almost anyone thought we would.
Almost anyone. George always knew he’d make it far, and he backed it up with gameplay that everyone else's strategies completely hinged on.
Flick opened the episode by saying she needed to win the final immunity challenge or she’d be gone. She was spot on.
As the final three trudged towards the dreaded final challenge, they were met with three structures that looked like something out of Saw as opposed to Survivor.
Flick really, really, really, really, really put in a good fight, but Hayley’s otherworldly pain tolerance has led her to win many challenges throughout the season – and this was no exception.
She had to be helped off her structure because she couldn’t walk, and she was devastated. When it came to tribal, she tried her hardest to out-pitch George, but her story and her personality meant that she would almost definitely win emotional votes from the jury – not to mention the fact that she’s the last brawn standing, with guaranteed votes from her fellow brawns on the jury. And Hayley’s not stupid.
But, bloody hell, Flick was an absolute fighter from start to finish, and showed persistence and resilience that we’ve never seen on the show. An ICON.
LOSER: US AS WE BAWLED AS THE CONTESTANTS REUNITED WITH THEIR FAMILY
Flick reuniting with her partner and friend – the first loved ones she has seen since her mother passed – absolutely ruined me.
WINNER: US BECAUSE WE'LL GET THE NEXT SEASON OF 'AUSTRALIAN SURVIVOR'
FEBRUARY 2022. LET’S HOPE WE’RE NOT STILL IN LOCKDOWN.
Survivor Australia airs on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays at 7.30pm on 10 and 10 play. Catch up on the episodes you missed here.
Editor’s note: Network 10 and MTV are both subsidiaries of ViacomCBS.