Kristin Cavallari Chats Jay Cutler Break-up For The First Time Since Their Divorce

"Jay and I had so much love for each other, but we grew up."

Five months after announcing her divorce with Jay Cutler, 37, Kristin Cavallari is sharing what really went on with their marriage behind-the-scenes. In a chat with PEOPLE, Kristin, 33, said the couple had actually been struggling for years, but made a conscious effort to keep their drama private.

“I always thought it was interesting when people would refer to us as 'couple goals,'” she said. “I was like ‘If you guys only knew.’” She went on to say that when her marriage became really rocky during the last season of Very Cavallari, she and Jay “definitely kept a lot of stuff private”. “Producers saw stuff, but they didn’t put it in the show – which is good, because I don’t want my kids to ever [see that].”

The couple dropped the bomb they were divorcing back in April after holidaying in the Bahamas with their three kids. While the announcement seemed to come out of nowhere, Kristin stressed the decision “didn’t happen overnight”. She added: “We tried really, really hard for years and years. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.”

“Every relationship has their stuff,” she continued. “I met Jay when I was 23. I was a baby. Jay and I had so much love for each other, but we grew up. When you work at something for so many years and nothing’s changing, I think you have to just make a decision. We all want to be happy.”

So, what’s next for Kristin? Can we expect to see her on a reality show showing off her single life? Judging by her quotes about filming, probably not – or anytime soon, at least. Of Very Cavallari ending after three seasons, Kristin said she's "just relieved."

"I just knew I was going to have to talk about everything, and I didn't want to," she said. "Thinking about filming was giving me anxiety. My kids are the most important thing to me. What's best for them? Probably not doing a reality show, having to talk about divorcing their dad." Understandable.

And finally, Kristin shared where her head's at now, five months post-split. "I'm proud for making this decision," she said. "It wore at me every single day for years. I feel like my whole world is opening up now because of it, and I'm just feeling the best I've felt in a really long time. I'm really excited about the future all around."

For the full chat (and there is more), head here.

Main Image Credit: Licensed by Getty

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