JFC!!! What doesn’t happen this week!? Another ambassador is fired, Lindsay drops the C bomb, Mike and Alex go apesh*t, and we finally see the creation of the ICONIC LiLo Dance.
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It’s Pride in Mykonos this episode and while it should be a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, unfortunately there’s a lot of homophobic shade making it hard to like some of the ambassadors this week. Looking at you Brent! (and Alex a little).
We’re back at the Beach House and our VIP client for the day is the fabulous Gloria Darling, a glittery drag queen who Aristotle is assigned to. Brent believes the world needs to hear his two cents on Aristotle and suggests Ari is gay because he washed a male VIP’s feet a few episodes back. He then goes on to say Mike is gay and not Bi and comments for him to "come out already." First of all, the gay community would welcome Aristotle with open arms and legs if that were true but it’s not the reality Brent, secondly STFU.
Our fearless leader Lindsay Lohan is lurking in a cabana watching the ambassadors’ work and you can tell she is NOT having Kailah today. Lindsay grabs a microphone and announces to the entire Beach Club that Kailah is not doing anything. This does not sit well with old Kailah and implementing her dad’s sage advice from last week she tells the other ambassadors that Lindsay can "suck her d*ck."
Lindsay’s godkids arrive (OMG imagine LiLo being your godmother, what a ride) and she sits them down in a meeting with Panos and Mike to talk Kailah. Before we get to the table, Linds asks her godson Truman if he wants to "fire someone with me" today and we know Lindsay’s trigger finger is ready to cut another host. Lindsay goes on a tirade about Kailah being useless and a mean girl while also referencing Mean Girls, saying she wouldn’t have got her part in that film by bringing people down and slay words at them. But literally Lindsay, did you forget about what you said about Ms. Norbury in the Burn Book? Pot calling the kettle black some would say.
Back in the villa in a fight we never thought we would see, Alex and Mike get into it over Mike’s bisexuality. After a long heated discussion where Alex is barely listening to Mike’s feelings, Alex f*cks up royally and says he finds Mike’s sexuality "weird" and that sets Mike OFF!
Mike charges at Alex and poor May and Gabi just have to sit there and witness the carnage. Mike believes no one thinks he exists. Alex says Mike is "so f*cking dumb" and storms off. WOW. In an unexpected turn of events, Gabi comes to comfort Mike by coming from her own personal experience and telling Mike he will find something meaningful in his future. (tear)
After all this doom and gloom we get Lindsay rocking up the next day to the villa to basically go through all the ambassadors' stuff because Oprah taught her (of course) that you need to organise your life in order to have one, and who knew Lindsay would just Marie Kondo my mind into seeing the light!? Lindsay is not happy with the mess and wants to fire them all. She storms out onto the patio with an iconic "WHAT’S UP BITCHES!"
Lindsay starts grilling the ambassadors about their mess and Kailah is not having it! Kailah doesn’t see the line between her things not being in order and her work ethic. Boss B*tch does not like this backchat and says "It seems like you don’t respect me and that’s the f*cking problem and that pisses me off" and you do not cross Linds like that.
Kailah makes the mistake of telling Lindsay not to "f*cking come at her" and that’s the end of Kailah’s story as Miss Lohan tells her to pack her shit and get out. NOW things get dark. As Kailah is walking into the house her final words at Lindsay are "continue doing all the drugs you do, Lindsay."
Linds calls Kailah a c*nt in the thickest accent she has displayed this season. Understandably, Lindsay doesn’t want her past thrown back in her face and luckily Kailah didn’t mention The Canyons (2013) or we may have had to call an ambulance. Lindsay says she’s already gone to jail so what is Kailah going to do now and look, true. Kailah packs her shit and departs and in the immortal words of Lohan herself, "Bye Felicia." I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Lindsay actually thinks Kailah’s name is Felicia. She has no idea who is working for her.
Let’s get back to some FUN. It’s Mike’s pride party that he has organised at the Beach House! Just before the day’s proceedings, Alex and Mike come together squash their beef and admit they were drunk when fighting (no sh*t) as is the case with all great arguments.
In the shock of the season, Mike convinces Brent to come out in drag looking like a two dollar whore, but good for him for shedding his douchery (if only for a moment) on Pride. The rest of the ambassadors freak out and Lindsay believes she has shipped in yet another new ambassador to scare the originals, obviously all her idea.
Gabi and Mike then perform a choreographed routine to Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Rumours’ which placed #65 in the Aria Singles Charts for 2005. Mike has a breakthrough moment about people seeing him for who he really is and that’s GROWTH.
NOW THE MOMENT WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
Panos pulls Lindsay up onto the stage with the rest of the ambassadors and as Janelle Monáe’s ‘Make You Feel’ (another iconic track) begins playing and we see the birth of THE LILO DANCE. The birth of the meme, the birth of a dance that will be remembered for the ages. Lindsay lets loose and give us EVERYTHING on stage and we couldn’t be more grateful from our couches.
Where were you when you saw the Lilo Dance the first time? That’s what they’ll be asking in university lectures in years to come.
Wow, what a week and it looks like we’re instore for some more DRAMA next week. Lindsay’s ex-fiancé and babe Nico Tortorella of Just Tattoo of Us USA and Younger fame comes to visit the Beach Club, Gabi and Kyle look like they're hooking up (cute), and Brent and Ari finally go head to head and boy has it been coming. See you then.
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