This week’s episode I’m going to title ‘Charlie Brown Goes On A Yacht’ because that’s the only way I can describe Brent’s behavior throughout this entire episode as a mopey d*ck at sea.
The ambassadors head to work following Brent and Sara’s break up and you can tell the energy is so low for everyone except Billy’s whose mouth is watering at the thought of getting it on with Sara. The only thing that can lift the gang out of this funk is a yacht trip planned by none other than Miss Manager Lohan. I truly believe Panos wishes the yacht will sink with all of them on it.
Before heading out on the yacht everyone can already tell Brent is going to unbearable, Billy is refusing to acknowledge Brent’s victim façade and Sara is over it as well. Mike mentions he’s never been on a yacht before, ‘I’m broke and I’m trash so I’m not really about that life’ PREACH IT MIKE.
Side note: I’m worried Brent’s right eye is bleeding in his confessionals!
Watch this week's Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club below:
The ambassadors are boarding the yacht and Kyle and Ari are wearing some excessive blazers that they can’t stop flinging back and embracing the wind every two seconds for some reason. Everyone looks to be having a good time on the yacht trip besides Brent who is alienating himself….And oh my god, the burn of the season comes from Alex saying that Brent is now the May of the group and wow Brent is going to need some aloe vera even more than the poor guy Lindsay is concerned about dancing at her beach club.
We get the most horrific display of PDA when Billy makes out with Sara on the front of the boat with everyone around them. Seriously if any of my friends decided to start tongue punching each other in broad daylight in front of me like that they would be swimming with the sharks. No ma’am. Even worse, Brent has to witness all this go down right in front of his very eyes! Brent gets up and leaves to go have a mental breakdown down in the cabins.
Lindsay and Panos are talking on the beach about cutting the ambassadors down to only four to continue on with the Lohan brand. If I could pick four to stay on for next season I would go with Jules, Kailah, blue DJ and Panos’ hats.
While Billy continues to make out with Sara, Jonitta heads down to the bowels of the yacht to mess with Brent even more. We get to witness an argument play out where Jonitta is burning Brent from the top bunk while Brent tries to turn his back to Jonitta’s words like he is at the world’s worst sleepover.
Brent attempts to flee, but Jonitta follows him to the deck and Brent is ready to jump the f*ck off. May and Alex have grabbed their popcorn and are settling in for the show. After Jonitta destroys Brent he flees and tells one of the producers that he is getting onboard the Jules-Express and is leaving Mykonos.
Once we’re back at the villa Brent starts packing away his colour-coordinated belongings into his suitcase. Brent calms down enough to call his mum and wow Brent even speaks to his mum like a piece of sh*t and who is surprised really? He tells his mum he planned to be the ‘waitress slayer’ here at Lindsay’s Beach Club and everyone’s collective eye roll could be felt around the world. Brent’s mother has wise words and tells him to ‘move on!’ Someone with sense finally voiced a universal truth.
BEEP BEEP mother*cker, who’s that? Panos in a smart car. One half of our fearless leaders has shown up to the villa to deal with Brent’s breakdown. Panos calls Lindsay just before he enters and I swear to god he woke Lindsay up and she doesn’t know what the hell is going on. Girl is LOST. Lindsay does manage to voice she doesn’t want to lose Brent and starts playing a song from Barney, the beloved children’s program and everyone has lost their mind on this island at this point.
Panos sits everyone down for what feels like the worst intervention ever and everyone (especially Mike) unloads on Brent and tells him why he is the worst. Brent still thinks he is better than everyone else and honestly Brent, what’s not clicking? Everyone just wants Brent to be less of tool and he half-heartedly agrees like a brat and he unpacks his colour-coordinated wardrobe living to see another day.
Next week Billy makes out with someone who is NOT Sara, your Geordie Shore faves Sophie and Nathan are visiting the beach club and Mike is so happy that his pants fly off. Literally, we have Mike naked from the waist down and it looks like security are going to kick him to the curb. See you then!
- Daniel Morrison
catch new 'lindsay lohan's beach club' wednesdays at 12, encoring at 8:30pm - only on mtv!
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