Elon Musk & Grimes' Baby Is Already A More Successful Musician Than I Am
The last we heard about confirmed alien baby X AE A-XII was regarding a particularly chaotic home job haircut. The tiny extra-terrestrial had copped an isolation haircut from his mum –and likely android – Grimes while he played in the bath.
"Not sure this haircut went well but he's a Viking now," Grimes wrote over a photo of the baby. It took me roughly 0.5 seconds to realise that X AE A-XII was now rocking an "iso-mullet" – the haircut my entire sharehouse fashioned during the pandemic thanks to a trusty pair of kitchen scissors.
So, me and this baby have the same hair. Do I feel weird about that? Kind of. Does it bother me that, at just 10 months old, he has roughly 100 billion times more money than I've ever have? Kind of. Does this make me feel competitive? Like one of us has to be the superior iso-mullet purveyor? For some reason, yes.
This week, alien baby gets ten points for showing to the world that he's an extremely talented musician. Grimes posted a video of X AE A-XII (or as Grimes calls him, 'Lil X') playing around on her portable synthesiser and while he appears to be keyboard mashing at first, he manages to create a 'loop' – and it sounds sick.
The sound he creates could honestly serve as the intro track to a Grimes album – the ethereal and sweeping synth noises producing a sort of ambient alien soundscape. He continues to press random buttons and manages to start looping a particularly good sound.
"Did you make a loop? You're so smart!" Grimes can be heard saying to X. The smug little baby responds by looking up and laughing – he totally knows what he's doing.
"lil X made a loop on my keyboard? Prob an accident but tbh he played a super fire set just now," Grimes wrote in her caption.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here at 26 years old with my iso mullet, messing around on a synth keyboard I bought off Gumtree, making straight up garbage.
So this baby is better at me then making music. Whatever. Can AE A-XII drive a car? Pay taxes? Read a book about philosophy? Pretend to understand what the book is about when someone asks what I'm reading?
While I wait for AE A-XII's no doubt 'fire' album to drop on Spotify, I'll be here bashing away on my second hand keyboard hoping to make something half as cool as what he's been able to produce.
Stay tuned for the ongoing battle between me and my new arch-nemesis: a 10-month-old old bebé wearing dungarees. Alexa, play "Eye Of The Tiger"!
Written by Dani Leever, a writer and homosexual pop culture enthusiast. Find their words at @danileever or catch their gay DJ drag adventures at @djgaydad.
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